The Internet Is a Wild, Wonderful Place

In the immortal words of Liz Lemon: 

“I want to go to there.”

You would think at this point that we’ve seen it all. Every cat video, every meme, every gif, every ridiculous comment posted online. Especially now, in quarantine, all of us glued to our screens, our device more an appendage than it’s ever been before (seriously, we’ve been preparing for this pandemic for at least a decade, in this regard), it’s good to know that things can still surprise (and potentially delight) you when you’re surfing the Internet. Case in point. This caught my eye and I thought, That sounds kinda fun. Maybe the kids would like it. Then I scrolled down.

Wow. Just … wow.

“Not mine.” That is intense. And hilarious. Of course, I get where he’s coming from, even if I vehemently disagree with his take. For the record, Kylo Ren is a fascinating character and Adam Driver is probably the best actor who’s ever been in a Star Wars movie. (Shout-out to Mal and Jason, intrepid hosts of the Binge Mode: Star Wars podcast, for this insight).

I’m a fan of cataloguing and curating and organizing and that obviously extends to my kids’ interests. I mean, why have kids if you’re not going to create like-minded buddies to hang out with? (It’s not like you’re ever going to see your adult friends ever again.)

So, for instance, we’ll listen to Lithium, the grunge and alternative station on XM Radio, because it’s important for them to be well-versed in ‘90s rock. But there will be no Collective Soul. Or Candlebox. Or Our Lady Peace. We have to have standards.

And yeah, I’ll cosign on the 11-year-old’s burgeoning interest in metal music. With limits. Black Sabbath? Sure. Classic. Slipknot? Nope. I don’t think so.

Yes, I have an 8-year-old who requests I spin Clash records for him on the turntable. That’s a real thing that happens. And he can quote from SNL, too.

Of course, sometimes, things get by me. They like Imagine Dragons, for instance. That’s a failing on my part. I try to console myself with the fact that the 8-year-old thinks the only Elvis is Costello, but still, this is a mark on my record. So, for every one of those songs we hear we’re definitely going to hear two songs by The Decemberists or The National. I have to counteract that garbage that’s rotting their brains. 

It occurred to me recently that I think fatherhood used to be very different. That being a father also made you an adult. It was a position of some authority. And responsibility. Being a father connoted accomplishment. You know, fedoras and pipes and tie clips. Real adult-type stuff.

But now, it’s really just an extended adolescence. Nerd heaven. Especially with boys. Seriously, I’m not sure I ever have to grow up. And it’s every woman’s fantasy. Grow up, get married, and spend the rest of your life living in a comic book shop with three giant nerds.

Think about it. Look around for a second. Star Wars movies and now TV shows. Superhero movies. Weird cartoons. Lego sets and action figures. There’s a new Pearl Jam album out. Adam Sandler is on TV singing goofy songs. Plus, Green Day is still a band. And so is Weezer! There’s a Nintendo system now that has all the games inside of it—no more cartridges. This is what it’s like to be a dad with boys in this day and age. 14-year-old me would be beside himself.

This is fatherhood now. And it’s like it’s 1996. 

Forever.