30 September 2009

The Friend Zone

Snarky and judgmental have been my default positions for most of my life. But it took parenthood for these qualities to truly come into sharper focus. It's not that I'm a jerk, per se, but I have pretty high standards when it comes to people.

And other parents have now forced me to raise them higher.

From the moment we began taking our son out into the world, other people with kids have gravitated toward us like nobody's business. But here's the thing. We're not friends, people. Just because we both have kids, does not mean I want to converse with you. We are not on a team. Please go away and leave me alone.


What is wrong with people? Just because you have a kid and I have a kid, that doesn't mean we have anything in common or that we are similar in any way. You don't know what I'm going through and I wouldn't attempt to assume to know what you are going through.

Get out of my face. If I wanted to talk about your kid, I would've asked. But I didn't. Right?

Perhaps the single most annoying thing I've heard in these situations is the phrase, "It's magical." Magical? It's a lot of things, granted, but magical? I'm not sure I would qualify it as such. When my kid learns to apparate like in Harry Potter, yeah, maybe then I'll give you magical. But until then, no.

And please leave me alone.


  1. I read this to Andy and he asked if parenthood makes you insane? Or just angry? Everything okay there? Did a parent rub you the wrong way today?

  2. Brilliant! Classic Hoey. More rants like this, please. It's pure antisocial Hoey and I love it. My favorite line: "We are not on a team."